Fending off addiction

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

By Brandon Hurley, Northwest Iowa Publishing

Spirit Lake man shares gambling story

A self-described thrill seeker, Ed Sullivan has a bad history with the slots, only admitting to his gambling addiction after many swings of fortune. Today Ed is sober of his addiction and can share his rocky past.
(Photo submitted)

SPIRIT LAKE - Ed Sullivan has been fighting demons all of his life.
The 32-year-old Spirit Lake graduate abused drugs and drank too much at times in his life, but a trip to the casino seemed harmless enough. His wife and a friend came along and he had a good Saturday afternoon last April. Sullivan left the gaming area with an extra $600 in his pocket.

A celebration was certainly in order. Sullivan went to get a drink -- and he didn't just stop at one.

He didn't realize it at the time, but the Spirit Lake High School graduate was using gambling to fill the void left by drinking. The "successful" day at the slots led straight to relapse. He left the bar that night with booze, regret and almost no money. That's when he knew gambling had taken control of his life -- and he wanted to take it back again.

CHASING ADDICTIONS

Sullivan has a daughter, two stepsons and his wife is set to deliver his next little girl any moment.

It's a fulfilling life, but he has always chased what he calls a "need for speed" -- that adrenaline high.

Sullivan's early adult years include meth binges, gambling excursions, 12-step programs, and prison time. To hear Sullivan say it, his life has been one big learning curve -- he now knows gambling was supplementing his other addictions.

Whether he was winning $1,000 or losing $500, he was always on a high. Studies have shown that the brain reacts the same way after you win a big jackpot and when you shoot up with drugs -- the brain releases dopamine during both instances.

Sullivan started gambling at the age of 22 -- his daughter's mother introduced him to the vice. He was hooked almost immediately -- beginning with slot machines and quickly moving on to cards and other casino games.

"I won a bunch of money the first time I went and I have an addictive personality," Sullivan said. "It's not a certain thing that I'm always addicted to but if it makes me feel good or I can gain something from it I am going to keep doing it."

Sullivan gambled for almost 10 years and never saw it as a problem. When he won it felt like free money to him. He thought it was normal, he thought he had things under control. He always had a roof over his head during his gambling days and he could count on his wife to join him at the casino on occasion.

"We are pretty much identical, we both have bad pasts," Sullivan said. "We really are a match made in heaven."

They lived a life of financial purgatory.

The Sullivans would lie to each other about what they were doing. They'd both go to the casino and hope their partner would come home with a big pile of cash.

There were a few occasions during his gambling streak that Sullivan would hit the casino to try and make rent or pay the bills. His gambling never caused him to miss rent, but he often had to borrow money when he didn't turn that $200 into $1,000.

Sullivan had checked into gambling recovery programs in the past -- most recently in 2005 -- but he wouldn't allow himself to stay on course.

"I wasn't willing to surrender," he said. "I wasn't willing to believe it was an issue yet. I already suffered with not having the highest willpower and that night (in April) proved it."

When he won big money, his mind tricked him into thinking that he was actually successful at this and he shouldn't stop. Even though it was a roller coaster ride of winning and losing, he never even once thought he was up there with the big time addicts -- his only home wasn't a jail cell, so there wasn't a problem. This wasn't the same as booze or drugs, he told himself -- until that Saturday in April. Gambling was starting to drastically affect his life.

CASHING IN

"That night (last April) brought it to the surface," Sullivan said. "That was the first time that I felt completely powerless -- I was on a gambling high. I've always known I had a chemical problem, but this was the first time I brought this problem -- gambling -- up."

Within that next week, Sullivan was informing his sponsor and counselor of his newest addiction.

He took an assessment through Compass Pointe Behavioral Services and was diagnosed as a pathological gambler. Pathological gamblers are liars -- Sullivan would tell himself that he wasn't addicted to gambling. He was close enough to actually becoming homeless and he was throwing enough money away that it was interfering with his personal life.

"There were times where I would spend money that should have been used for rent or for other bills," he said. "If I would think about all the money I lost, it would become depressing."

He started to see a gambling counselor every few weeks and had group sessions three times a week -- a process which Compass Pointe calls intensive outpatient care. The dozens of stories he heard in the recovery meetings were chilling.

"I've seen the negative outcomes, I'm done with all the trial and error (of that life)," Sullivan said.

"I've seen firsthand what gambling has done to people. I've been exposed to it, I just had to find out."
He also has become a devoted Christian.

"I've come to realize it's his (God's) will, not mine," Sullivan said. "It's a spiritual thing and it took me a long time to realize that."

Sullivan's wife has been one of his biggest supporters. She too has struggled with gambling. They use each other as a crutch in times of need. They know how close they are to that spot in front of a slot machine.

"We both know that we are one click away and that's what helps us," Sullivan said. "In that vulnerable time where we are thinking about gambling we can call each other out and say 'hey, you need to go see your sponsor.' Something like that will surface for half an hour, an hour or six hours -- it's just a process and we can laugh at it after. We just keep an open mind."

Sullivan finished the recovery program last June and very rarely feels the temptation to gamble. He hasn't had a moment where he feels the need to bet money. Sullivan spends a lot of time with his accountability counselor -- he knows the itch to gamble could return.

He fills a majority of his recovery time at work -- he's been a residential home builder since high school. Gambling has been replaced with family activities. Board games, outdoor activities and the thrill of racing snowmobiles has replaced the reckless lifestyle.

Sullivan can now take his growing family on a vacation or buy his 10-year-old daughter braces with the extra money he has saved. The future isn't as cloudy for the Sullivans anymore.

"I want to enjoy life, I want to just keep my ducks in a row," he said. "I am grateful."



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