Haunting addiction hits home

Haunting addiction hits home

If people knew the heartache and shame of a lot of the losers, who create the funds, that make the grants available for their use, surely they would feel guilty for accepting this source of revenue.

Recent editions of the press have had stories and letters from people about pokie machines _ some in support, others against. This week we had a call from a reader, a local who has a gambling addiction. Here is her story:

When I was first introduced to the pokies by a friend I was working so I had a little extra money so things were fine and the pull of the pokies began. I even walked up to the pokies during my lunch break because I enjoyed playing them.

Then I found (as did a lot of others) that the machines were not paying out as much and I mostly lost all my money. But I kept going back in hopes of a big win, ultimately the jackpot, but I lost and lost until one day when I got home I just cried at the sheer waste of money.

I never went back for one whole year but I always knew I could and would go back. Like an alcoholic or smoker you can stop as long as you know that eventually you will have another smoke or drink. I had been a smoker and gave up many, many years ago but the the desire to smoke has never gone _ so I know what addiction is about.

So back I went to the pull of the pokies. I no longer work so I have very little money but any I have burns a hole in my pocket to go and win more. I would say however that 99% of the time I lose my money _ and I put in more than I intend to.

The pokies have a real ``hype''. They are a roller coaster ride. If I'm winning I feel great, elated, in fact but if I'm losing or have lost I feel rotten. I dislike myself for being weak. I am quite intelligent and I know the odds are against me winning. How else do they have so much money to ``put back into the community''?

But the pokies have a pull _ they flash, play music, offer free spins and most of all for me, they have a smell. Sometimes even when I am at home or anywhere really, I can smell them, and I get an urge to go and play them.

When I walk into a place I can smell if they have pokies. I love that smell.

Sometimes I count how many pushes it takes to get free spins. By winning small amounts you may be able to keep going without free spins. I pushed the button 555 times before I got free spins and then I got $4 from 15 spins.

Always I hope I'll get a big win, people around me sometimes have winnings spilling into their machine tray, and still I am losing. The more I lose the worse I feel and when I leave empty handed, I am gutted, depressed. Wishing I hadn't gone there, thinking about what I could have bought with the money I have wasted. If I lose $40 I tell people I lost $10. I'm too ashamed to tell the truth. So I dislike myself more for lying but that's what pokies do to you.

I have never sold things, or stolen money or even borrowed money, but I don't bet top credits as it makes my money last longer, but I am nonetheless addicted. The pokies haunt me. As soon as I get a few dollars I want to go there.

Logic tells me I'll lose but hope tells me I might win more. I'm either high or low, mostly low. Yet still I go back. It is so sad really.

If people knew the heartache and shame of a lot of the losers, who create the funds, that make the grants available for their use, surely they would feel guilty for accepting this source of revenue.

Name withheld by request