Ellie: Gambling can be addiction and must be faced
Binge-drinker needs counselling and behaviour modification to fight gambling and alcohol addictions
A stack of poker chips can mean a little fun, or it can mean an addiction,
I met him 18 months ago, and soon started a committed relationship.
He mentioned his previous history of gambling, saying it “isn’t a part of his life anymore.”
I was shocked but believed him. Months later, he’d started gambling online as his way out of crippling debt.
He said it’d be our ticket to start our lives together, buy a house, get married, and have a family.
I knew in my heart it was detrimental to our relationship and my life. However, I remained by him.
Months passed, he was binge-drinking on weekends with his friends. It embarrassed me and made me ashamed of him.
His gambling and drinking remained a secret from his loving family, whom I adored.
He broke up with me, but we re-connected a month later with nothing resolved.
Several months later — with me so neglected by his gambling and drinking — I broke up with him. We’ve communicated since, but aren’t together.
He’s informed me that he met with a financial advisor to sort out his debt, and put an action plan into place so that he can be married, buy a house, and have a family.
He’s also receiving counselling and is on a path to self-improvement and wellness. He’s more motivated and wants me to be a part of his life.
How can I trust him with my heart and my life, if we get back together?
It’s very revealing that you didn’t once use the word “addiction.” Until you’ve both acknowledged that specific reality — that he’s addicted to gambling and alcohol — you cannot trust him.
He needs to deal specifically with addiction — i.e. get counselling, with a specialist in behaviour modification, who helps him find healthy strategies for responding to whatever sets off the addictive binges.
Joining support groups with Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous would also help him acknowledge the behaviour for what it is. And spousal support groups such as Alanon would be helpful to you.
But concepts like “self-improvement” don’t cut it. He has a deep-rooted background to these addictions and you both need to understand it a lot better before planning a life together.
TIP OF THE DAY
Addiction has to be acknowledged before the addict and those closest can attempt to handle it.
Been So Hurt
Feeling Hopeless
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.
http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/08/16/ellie_gambling_can_be_addiction_and_must_be_faced.html
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment