Fix is in for gaming panel

Well.....Howie Carr at least noticed that change in labels from "Destination Resort" to "Destination...." whatever and the "Gaming Commission" instead of "Gambling Commission," but regrettably, little else.

Senator Tucker called them "Slots In A Box." I prefer Slot Barns which is what Beacon Hill is really promoting.

Not one for heavy lifting, Howie, maybe you could do some research instead of simply slinging well-deserved mud? Surely the Boston Globe has provided enough fodder without you stressing yourself with too much research.


Fix is in for gaming panel
By Howie Carr

U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz should be impaneling a new grand jury — on spec.

The Gaming Commission — the name itself is probable cause to suspect that a crime has been committed, or soon will be. Especially in Massachusetts, could any name be any ... gamier?

Why didn’t they just call it the Gambling Commission? Who did they think they were fooling? That wasn’t the only phony-baloney name they changed. They’ve stopped calling them “resort casinos” because really, is Milford a resort for anybody except drunken-driving illegal aliens from Brazil?

Now they are “destination casinos,” although after the game guys ’n’ gals on the Gaming Commission have made their picks, the more likely destination for all concerned is a federal pen. From jobs, jobs, jobs to jail, jail, jail.

There will, of course, be a stampede for the commission slots — $150,000 for the chairman, and $112,500 for each of the members. Nice way to round off an extinguished, I mean distinguished, career in the hackerama. Get those three highest years in and you’re looking at a $10G-a-month kiss in the mail for the chairman, and $90G a year for the members.

Commissioners should have a background in mathematics. They must be able to count to five, as in, “I’ll take the Fifth.”

For commissions like this, they always used to appoint a retired FBI agent. That’s no longer an option, obviously. And naturally we’ll need a minority hack — too bad Dick Arrington’s not around anymore, but maybe Skippy Gates is available.

But probably not. The reason the commissioners are going to make such big money is so they won’t need any outside income, above the table outside income, that is. The commissioners are supposed to remain, you’ll pardon the expression, virgins. This outbreak of virginity will make it even more imperative for every commissioner to have a bagman, er, aide.

When the investigations begin — triggered by the losers dropping a dime — the feds won’t even have to break a sweat. Start with Tuesday’s wonderful photo of the bill signing — Exhibit A, they’ll call it. Some day, everyone in it will fervently wish they’d been somewhere else that day. Just ask Mitt Romney about his 2006 Romneycare portrait in Faneuil Hall with Sal DiMasi and Ted Kennedy.

The luckiest hacks in the State House were state Senate President Terry Murray and state Sen. Stanley Rosenberg. They didn’t make it into the frame.

Then there were all those pens Deval used to sign the bill, like it was the Civil Rights Act of 1965 or something. If Deval handed you one of those pens, don’t lose it. If you do, in about three years you could be charged with destroying evidence. Opening question in the grand-jury chambers:

“Sir, on Nov. 22, 2011, did you happen to receive a pen, and if so, from whom, under what circumstances, and was it in return for something of value?”

Is it too early to make a bet? The over-under on politicians going to prison on this scam is five. I’ll take the over