Couple overcomes gambling addiction

Couple overcomes gambling addiction
By VANESSA McCRAY


TRAVERSE CITY -- Like some lucky couples, Karen and Dale Paakola found an activity they liked doing together.

Unluckily, that mutual pursuit was gambling, and it became a compulsion that threatened everything that mattered most.

"If you continue unarrested, it does take over your entire life," Dale said.

Karen, known by the nickname "Mike," and Dale have been married for nearly 41 years and live in Williamsburg. Their gambling troubles started with Dale. He made small-time wagers: the Lotto, a friendly game of poker, sports bets.

About 13 years ago, Dale stopped work as a pharmaceutical representative and went on long-term disability. He made significantly less money and suffered from severe depression. He turned to casinos, in part to replace lost income with winnings. At first, he didn't gamble a lot, but the sum -- and the problem -- grew.

Around 2002 to 2003, a concerned Mike started to accompany her husband to the casino to monitor his activity. Dale encouraged Mike to play, and within a few years she, too, was gambling. They primarily played video poker, often "tag-teaming" one machine.

"It tore me away from everything I believed in," Mike said. "I stopped going to church. We stopped going to our grandchildren's parties. You don't realize until you looked back at your life."

They tapped into retirement savings.

"You never win enough. Money has no value; it's just a means," said Dale, whose personality changed as he became more angry.

Then the loudest alarm sounded, and this time, the couple heard it. Mike was charged with embezzling money from a Traverse City schools employee union she helped found. She served as the group's treasurer, which gave her access to its funds. Mike said she wasn't thinking when she took the money. The only thing she considered was doing "whatever I need to do" to keep gambling.

"When you are in that, you don't have a conscience," she said.

She pleaded guilty in 2008 and was ordered to pay about $31,000 in restitution and fines. She spent more than three months in jail and several more months on a tether.

"We were just in a daze. We went and talked with family. We told them what we had done," Dale said. "To me it was a big bang. To see her go off in shackles. It's devastating."

Mike is embarrassed and remorseful, but her arrest exposed their venomous vice.

The couple joined Gamblers Anonymous and received help from Munson Medical Center's Behavioral Health Services. The gamblers' support group was "very friendly, very open, non-judgmental," Mike said. They banned themselves from the casino and have not relapsed since they committed to quit gambling.

Behavioral Health Therapist Barbara Fasulo-Emmott counseled the Paakolas. People who seek help are asked two initial assessment questions. The first is, "Have you ever felt the need to bet more and more money?" The second is, "Have you ever had to lie to people important to you about how much you gambled?" Those who answer yes are asked more detailed follow-up questions.

Fasulo-Emmott said people can receive free, grant-funded services from Behavioral Health for problem gambling. Behavioral Health also plans a free seminar Friday on the topic.

Problem gambling is rising among the elderly, who may be grieving losses or trying to escape loneliness or boredom, and adolescents, for whom a casino trip is a "new rite of passage," said Fasulo-Emmott.

The Paakolas finances have started to improve since they quit gambling. They cannot, however, recover the time lost to their addiction. Mike tries to live life one day at a time, and the couple's new calling is to make their struggle count for someone else.

"Through our experience, we've seen the devastation," Dale said.

"Our life has changed so much for the better. We have so much peace," Mike said. "Our ministry right now is to help any compulsive gambler."